Fear, my old foe

b&l-6Fear is rearing its ugly head again. Isn’t that how the saying goes? I grapple with fear every time I think of making a new quilt. I think many people do. That’s why it is comfortable getting a kit and simply following the instructions. Kits are low risk. Everything is worked out for you. But really, what is there for me to be afraid of? It’s just a piece of fabric. I’m going to do some painting today. If I mess it up, I can over-dye it, cut it up in strips and piece it into a quilt, or even (gasp) throw it away! It’s not the end of the world!

I’ve made a little progress this week in the midst of all the other busyness of my life. My full-size paper drawing is complete. I re-drew the faces until I was satisfied. Sweet hubby bought me a new piece of 4 ft by 8 ft insulation board (technically, called Extruded Polystyrene Insulated Sheathing), only thicker this time. Last time we bought 1″ thick and it eventually broke because I drag it all over the house and even outside sometimes. I promptly covered it with batting.

b&l-4Since I like to work with my paper pattern underneath, I laid that down first and then covered it with a piece of clear plastic. I forgot to do that when I painted “Windblown,” and my fabric stuck to the paper in some places. Then I covered it with my fabric and pinned it taut so it wouldn’t wiggle too much when I paint.

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Because I outlined the design on my paper with dark marker, I can see it fairly well through my fabric. I transferred it to my fabric by tracing it very lightly with a 005 Pigma pen. Since I’ll be using transparent ink and paint, I’m sure some of those lines will show in my end result, but I think they will just become part of my overall design.

b&l-6Here’s another tip. I learned this the hard way. If you’re working from a source photo, put it in a plastic bag. I am a messy painter. I get paint everywhere: my hands, my face, my hair, my clothes, my husband, the floor in the next room…you get the idea. I don’t mean to. I don’t know how it happens, but it does every time. I was always amazed that my printmaking instructor could go the whole day without getting a single drop of ink on her hands or cloths. How did she do that? She was immaculate. Not me! So, if I want my source photo to stay pristine, I must protect it with plastic.

So, this is what I am faced with today.
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A large expanse of beautiful white fabric, just waiting for color. Fear, my old foe, is whispering in my ear.

A new song caught my attention recently. It is “Hello, My Name Is” by Matthew West. You can listen to the song here. (Sorry, there is a short ad first.)

Matthew West – Hello, My Name Is (Lyrics) from matthew-west on GodTube.

Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget

Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief

These are the voices, these are the lies
And I have believed them, for the very last time

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed,
And I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King

I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life

What love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King

I choose to walk in freedom today! I’m going to ignore the fear; squash the voice. By this time tomorrow, I will have something painted, even if I end up throwing it away.

2 Responses

  1. Ann Wiseman

    Maria, thanks for sharing your “human-ness” with us. I would never have guessed you, a person with so many great artistic successes, would have fear about starting a project!! How does the book title go? “Feel the fear and do it anyway”?? I look forward to seeing what you DO. And thanks for the kick in the pants to feel my own fear and start to DO. : )

  2. Ed Chamness

    Maria–I need to follow your lead…